Dealing With The Massive Increase in Global Viewers of Fun Social Nihilism

The purveyors and proprietors of Fun Social Nihilism are not that different from the millions reared and miseducated in the empire: told they were special, go to college, write the Great American Novel, become the Voice of Popular Culture, rock-n roll  with some light but entertaining drugs, bring high culture into the Hollywood Squares new technoculture, study and opine and express all in APA-approved format. Alas, this has proven to be the con of the century, so Fun Social Nihilism specializes in zero-viewership posts – after all, what is the purpose of nihilism, in any form, but to deeply offend?

This is why the latest increase in “following” viewership, reaching spectacular percentage increase proportions (zero times 3 equals 3000%, right? Isn’t anything times zero just about whatever you want it to be?), is causing our funders, backers, support staff, board of directors, affiliates, and sponsorship tie-ins to have convened emergency meetings to consider dissolution.

To preempt this drastic action, the leadership of Fun Social Nihilism hired a global security firm to conduct deep background investigations of these new “followers.” The full report is being forwarded to the MacArthur/Pen genius committees, but he executive summary can be accessed using special embedded codes in this post.

The takeaway: these new “followers” are not what they seem to be. These three gorgeous, beautifully photographed sites feature kittens, puppies, delicious new foods, and amazing travel sites.  The staff of FSN hurriedly convened sessions to debate the legitimacy of these new pledged followers of social nihilism.  Were these professional, accomplished sites staffed  by closet nihilists who would take a break from their  remunerated blog-work to cheer on fervid, well-crafted denunciations of the supersystem? Were corporate kitten lovers and commercial foodies and National Geographic competitors each taking a lunch break to say, “fuck it, this social nihilism prose is sheer, glorious genius.”

Of course not. the world does not work that way. Once a zero-viewership, then always zero-viewership. These were bots, machines pre-programmed to supply earnest, doltish wannabes the illusion of profundity and nascent mass acceptance, just like the corporate advertisers and scam artists of the ivory tower have perfected. No adorable puppy photographers of any human persuasion were behind the “followers.” There would never be any market, whatsoever, for social nihilism.

After all, who wants to be a public person to whom others pay attention? Think it’s easy being Franzen, or Leyner, or Marilynne Robinson, for christ’s sakes, always having to deliver the intellectual goods that are counterfeit to begin with?  Whoever, besides Sally Field, has testified to the glories of knowing that other lower types venerate you while you are still alive?  Imagine the pressure of having your words needing to be carefully chosen, vetted, and inspected prior to delivery. Imagine the pain of having to be nice to assorted members of the audience who might slither up to genuflect before you, people whom you would never wish to be associated with: Christians, acid casualties, poets, Marilynne Robinson fans, English professors, coders, punks, homeopathists, Christian apologists, Christians, or “followers” of Damn Turd Pol.

The only reason to write is to make sounds and templates for the day’s madnesses in the writer’s head. All else is vanity.

Donald Trump: Damn Turd Pol

Hillary Clinton: A Lynch Trillion

Jill Stein: Lines Jilt.

 

 

7 comments

  1. This was pretty funny. 🙂 I take it you’re a writer. Cool. I’m an “amateur writer,” which means I can publish trash on my wordpress, and not feel guilty about how poorly it’s written. I must say, your choice of blog theme sucks. You write a lot, you need something with an archive, so people can look back without having to scroll. But it’s more than that, this theme just sucks in general. I command you to change it, you nihilistic boob!

    I liked that Christians appears twice in your list of people you wouldn’t want to be associated with, and you didn’t forget the Christian apologists. I’m a Christian, and I discuss Christian apologetics.

    1. Thanks, J.R.R. These kind of comments can bang around in the head for quite awhile.
      I’m trying to get an archives button or sidebar going, and I’ll get one, sooner or later – wordpress is not making easy to find out how.
      Social nihilism – it’s fun! Try it! 100% money-back guarantee.
      Christian apologetics – wow. What a life choice. You guys have found a home here at wordpress, but I can’t see much of a future for it.
      Cheers to all the believers and their frustrations!

    2. and, in a postscript, the fault was not with the good corporate techies at wordpress- instead of actually paying for something useful, liek virtually all first-worlders, I was trying to get it for free, and then whine-blaming the superysystem for not making things easy. Thanks for the solid tech tips, JRR, and keep on truckin, o corporate techies of wordpress!

  2. I love your new theme, it looks excellent. It’s awesome that you put an archive on here as well, it will make it a lot easier for me to look back through your older stuff. I have to complement you on your posting schedule, you’ve got a lot I would have never seen without the archive!

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