The purveyors and proprietors of Fun Social Nihilism are not that different from the millions reared and miseducated in the empire: told they were special, go to college, write the Great American Novel, become the Voice of Popular Culture, rock-n roll with some light but entertaining drugs, bring high culture into the Hollywood Squares new technoculture, study and opine and express all in APA-approved format. Alas, this has proven to be the con of the century, so Fun Social Nihilism specializes in zero-viewership posts – after all, what is the purpose of nihilism, in any form, but to deeply offend?
This is why the latest increase in “following” viewership, reaching spectacular percentage increase proportions (zero times 3 equals 3000%, right? Isn’t anything times zero just about whatever you want it to be?), is causing our funders, backers, support staff, board of directors, affiliates, and sponsorship tie-ins to have convened emergency meetings to consider dissolution.
To preempt this drastic action, the leadership of Fun Social Nihilism hired a global security firm to conduct deep background investigations of these new “followers.” The full report is being forwarded to the MacArthur/Pen genius committees, but he executive summary can be accessed using special embedded codes in this post.
The takeaway: these new “followers” are not what they seem to be. These three gorgeous, beautifully photographed sites feature kittens, puppies, delicious new foods, and amazing travel sites. The staff of FSN hurriedly convened sessions to debate the legitimacy of these new pledged followers of social nihilism. Were these professional, accomplished sites staffed by closet nihilists who would take a break from their remunerated blog-work to cheer on fervid, well-crafted denunciations of the supersystem? Were corporate kitten lovers and commercial foodies and National Geographic competitors each taking a lunch break to say, “fuck it, this social nihilism prose is sheer, glorious genius.”
Of course not. the world does not work that way. Once a zero-viewership, then always zero-viewership. These were bots, machines pre-programmed to supply earnest, doltish wannabes the illusion of profundity and nascent mass acceptance, just like the corporate advertisers and scam artists of the ivory tower have perfected. No adorable puppy photographers of any human persuasion were behind the “followers.” There would never be any market, whatsoever, for social nihilism.
After all, who wants to be a public person to whom others pay attention? Think it’s easy being Franzen, or Leyner, or Marilynne Robinson, for christ’s sakes, always having to deliver the intellectual goods that are counterfeit to begin with? Whoever, besides Sally Field, has testified to the glories of knowing that other lower types venerate you while you are still alive? Imagine the pressure of having your words needing to be carefully chosen, vetted, and inspected prior to delivery. Imagine the pain of having to be nice to assorted members of the audience who might slither up to genuflect before you, people whom you would never wish to be associated with: Christians, acid casualties, poets, Marilynne Robinson fans, English professors, coders, punks, homeopathists, Christian apologists, Christians, or “followers” of Damn Turd Pol.
The only reason to write is to make sounds and templates for the day’s madnesses in the writer’s head. All else is vanity.
Donald Trump: Damn Turd Pol
Hillary Clinton: A Lynch Trillion
Jill Stein: Lines Jilt.