DOJ to Announce New Total Incarceration Project (TIP)

In an important and far-reaching initiative, The United States Department of Justice, (DOJ), has announced that it will begin implementing a nationwide program to lock up each and every American, across the board, starting in 2017. This will create many lasting benefits, according to officials, not the least of which will be satisfying each and every American’s fundamental need to see the perceived enemy other side  receive sufficient justice the only way Americans know how, by having somebody else “lock them up.”

This edict, the Total Incaration Project will apply, to all, with no exceptions, thus creating a non-partisan, fully effective holistic program of carceral outreach. Everyone will receive a judgement of “guilty” and then be processed for prison, parole, post-release supervision, and rape counseling.

Who will go to jail, in practical terms? Everyone. Donald Trump, aka “damn turd pol.” Paul Ryan. Clint Eastwood. Dennis Miller. Bishop James Dolan, Michael Bloomberg. “The Voice”‘s Blake Shelton, along with Thomas Wolfe. The entire staffs of the oil companies. Your local football coaches, and road ragers. Steroid distributors. The entire higher education complex of deans, associate deans, and human resources intake specialists.

They will not be figuratively jailed – they will be physically jailed, as registered, convicted felons. All of Wall street and Big Pharma. SUV owners. GNC shareholders. Every last libertarian tech college degree waster, from Larry Ellison to that highly annoying tech dweeb in the GE commericals. They will be, as the Trump knuckle-draggers, bellow, “locked up.” Not killed, for as the DOJ research suggests, this is one step of  bloodlust too far, but just eliminated as free antagonists, subject to the daily concentration-camp humiliations as a felon:  incarcerated.

America will then become one happy nation, but only with total incarceration of all. We have the infrastructure to make this happen, the DOJ remarked. After all, look what IBM did back in the primitive tech days of Nazi Germany. Think of the economic benefits of all that information and body processing to be privatized out?

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